Not a front for a secret organization.
Written by Rob Schultz (human).
Allow me to be among the first to wish you a Merry Christmas Only, and suggest you celebrate with my friend and partner-in-no-way Kyle Clark's new comedy album, There is No Version Of This. Pizza Night.
Fifteen dollars American will net you a copy on magnetic tape, just like the Nazis used to use, and that includes a poster not made of magnetic tape.
Or for only FIVE dollars, I will give you THIS link to where you can listen to the entire thing for free.
Happy Thursday, boils and ghouls! This week on The Higgs Weldon, Unacceptable explores brand new territory: picking up right where the previous installment left off!
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I said, struggling to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. Luckily I was blindfolded, so my captors couldn’t see the vicious, almost involuntary eye rolling going on.
“No, really guys, just, just so unsatisfactory.”
See what all the fuss is about in the full story!
And SUBMIT stories of your own. It helps everyone.
In this week's Unacceptable, the continuity continues!
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!” I yelled at Dr. Valrus. For the most part, I was just trying to put on a good show, but circumstances put a little emotion in my voice. One of the TUSK agents attempting to restrain me had gotten a hand in my jacket pocket and held on for dear life. I guess he really didn’t want to fall into that vat of Compound VV. And then the stitching tore and he fell to his death.
It wasn’t until I’d kicked him loose and climbed back over the railing on to the catwalk that I saw how badly he’d torn my pocket, so you can understand how I’d be upset. Anytime field work requires black-tie attire, I end up paying for the wardrobe with my own money. The quartermaster is supposed to reinforce any garments they tailor for work related purposes, and yet here we are.
Has it all been leading up to this? Who, or what, is the inscrutable Dr. Valrus? What is compound double V? Who's going to pay for that jacket? Find out at once!
And, obviously, you can SUBMIT your own work to The Higgs Weldon pretty much anytime you want.
Another week, another spy story; another mission, another addition to our admittedly weird sense of time here in the world of Unacceptable.
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I said to the waiter. I gave Vanessa little wink.
His eyes bulged just a little, then he regained his composure. “I’m so sorry about the delay, sir. Allow me to fetch you one of our deluxe bread baskets, and I shall return with a list of tonight’s specials.” He scurried off.
What's that waiter's deal? Find out by reading! (Warning: Story available in the English language only, at this time.)
Also, you can SUBMIT to The Higgs Weldon. (Warning: Submissions only accepted in English at this time.)
This week's Unacceptable has Colin back in the driver's seat, for a little bit of a holiday special.
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I said to Becky, maybe a little bit louder than I meant to. I tore up the form she had handed to me, for effect.
“Colin. It’s my job to compile the company directory. You have to fill out your basic contact info,” said Becky.
You probably couldn't see the celebrating there through all the bureaucracy, but that's like a metaphor. Check out the whole story on the internet.