Time, Resources, Quality, Management, Attention, Speed, Price, Deadlines: Pick 6

So I listen to Back to Work, I pay attention to things Merlin makes now and again, even when it doesn't feel as though it applies to me or my own work. One item of discussion from an episode that went by months ago that's stuck with me is the general requirements to the success of a project: Resources, Management, and Deadlines.

I think Merlin and Dan were probably talking about guys programming in cubes, but when it comes to producing independent short films for the i-net, I find it's rare to be gifted with all three of those.  We try to make do with two of them, a la Fast, Good, or Cheap.

A video that comes to me on a hard drive, even when it's beautifully shot (or failing that, shot with technical accuracy), that someone wants made as a favor, just wants it done "soon" and never checks in or responds to my attempts to check in with them, is not a video that's getting done.

So without Resources, Management, or Deadline, a potential- well, not client, but potential favor recipient- is left to hope for Fast, Cheap, OR Good.  Just one!  Pretty much any other project is going to get done first, because the message that comes through to me is that if it's not worth the attention of the writer/director/lead actor, I don't know why it's more worthy of my time than any of the dozen other projects I'm casually juggling or tentatively agreeing to work on someday.

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Apparently, every couple years I end up with a video that confounds me to a degree that between the client and I, someone should really be firing someone, but without any resources, management, or deadlines, apparently nobody notices or wants to pass up the sweetheart deal they're getting (or would be, if I could figure out how to finish the thing).

So why or how do I end up with such a project? Well, in the most recent quagmire, I didn't even agree to the work, the files were just delivered one day instead of answers to the preliminary questions I usually ask. This should have been a big red flag; I should have refused delivery. But I'm an optimist! I'll agree to at least discuss a project with almost anybody. This is partially because 1 in 5 projects discussed might actually happen. And I want to make things. I like making them.

At the most extreme example of experimentally saying yes to every project that came my way, I had at one point, in less than a week, agreed to cut an entire feature film for $400, color correct a different feature for $0, co-host a daily podcast about video games, and probably contribute in some way to another short or two.  None of those projects happened, and after agreeing to their terms and in some cases meeting in person I never heard from anyone involved in any of those projects again.  Perhaps now, years later, they'll all come knocking one day and wonder if I'm ready to get to work...

Youngstown.

Youngstown, Ohio is a standing set of a city.  Built for 200,000 and home to 60,000, it would remind you of the cliche facade towns of the old westerns, if it weren't so desolate as to be distracting. I've spent a couple of weeks there shooting movies - specifically My Soul To Take (a religious horror) and My Soul To Take 2 (a buffy-esque martial arts actioner).  Neither is the Wes Craven version, and neither has seen the light of day, as far as I know.

The films shot nights, meaning the crew woke up around 5pm and went to work as the sun was setting, and by the time the sun was rising again, those of us who weren't headed over to a third-shifters' bar for a few hours were headed back to the hotel for the free hot breakfast.  Ordinarily, you've got a handful of guests and patrons wandering downstairs over the course of a couple hours, stumbling towards coffee and perhaps sustaining some powdered eggs as a kind of collateral damage, but for a few weeks five years ago, one Holiday Inn (or something) was beset by two dozen filmmakers cleaning out the breakfast buffet as fast as the staff could refill it.

Today, I'm on set in a real Hollywood soundstage, and there's no make-your-own-waffle station.  What gives?

Let's catch up, won't we?

After a slow start to the year in which I was ready to start making rent as a professional gambler, I landed some jobs doing video editing instead. Most of the prominent and interesting stuff is UCB-centric, including demo reels for turning live shows you can see at the UCBTLA into TV shows, including things called "Back Talk" and "Live Green or Die." I think those were in June, as was the start of an hour-long special for Comedy Central called "This Show Will Get You High," which bled over into July and was followed up by some work on a feature film adaptation of a UCB stage musical, Freak Dance.  I saw / taped the stage version at least half a dozen times and I'm jazzed to be part of the movie version.  That's going on now and probably will for a little while.  I'll also be shooting a pilot for a web series sometime next month.

New episodes of Better Radio are written and await recording.  We've got some great guest actors, well, not booked, but in vague agreement to do the show.

Some other stuff's getting written, just to keep me busy.

As always, other projects are brewing and broiling.  Shot a new short a couple weeks ago.  Contributing somewhat to Better With Thriller, had a question read out on Answer Me This that got Olly in trouble with his mum, folded a million t-shirts for Maximum Fun, trying to rev up something new which is the #1 reason you haven't seen 2-line reviews of the last 60 movies I've seen (I reckon we're up to at least #1681: Daybreakers), although I've written a couple longer essays about some movies that will go here or there, if there becomes a place, and I'm still doing some standup, although not with the frequency and drive that someone who's going to get anywhere doing standup ought to be getting up.  It's good fun though.

What else, what else?

If you're here in LA this weekend, I have honestly zero idea of what you'll get, but SOMETHING I've written will be read out at a place called Wordlab, this Sunday, Aug 1.  It's found at 3191 Casitas Ave, #156, Los Angeles, CA 90026 (EDIT: NO. NO IT WILL NOT.  THIS EVENT HAS BEEN CANCELED.  DON'T GO TO IT.  IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THERE.  YOU'LL THINK YOU TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME AND THEN GET CONFUSED AND THEN QUIT YOUR JOB AND THEN SELL YOUR CAR AND THEN YOU'LL TURN TO THE STREETS AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU'LL BE SELLING IMPORTANT SECRETS TO THE RUSSIANS.  DON'T MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN.)

I don't think I know anyone in Chicago, except maybe a couple actors from Carpet Kingdom, and I don't think they check the site too often, but if they did, they could go see Matt Walsh and say hello in a week or two:

$100 discount

I found a want ad for an illustrator file of the hollywood sign. Requirements included a sample, turnaround time, and price (specified per project, not per hour).

So, 1) 

2) 5 minutes

3) $100, or free to you.

They, ah, did not take me up on the offer, no.  Maybe they'll find this post instead.

In which this page's subtitle is made reality, in the third person.

Current Rob (Producing) is working on the SpikeTV show, has a feature coming up in June that could maybe shoot RED, and is making daily visible progress on the new radio show.  It's visible because there's a google doc spreadsheet with delightful color coding to keep track.  It's like this right now:

Current Rob (Consuming) is up to movie #1,452, and the recent lot is made up of some poor documentaries, a bunch of shorts of varying quality (including one he worked on in early 2006, which recently won a prize), and a couple of others.  Role Models, for instance, was much more David Wain-like than reviews may have led one to believe, and whilst editing a UCB video starring an actor with a supporting role in the film, Rob's worlds collided just a little bit.

Hanging around the LA comedy thing has begun the odd but not unpleasant phenomenon of Rob seeing folks he knows in a lot of movies and tv and things lately.  Not to mention in some old conan bits that high school Rob sure enjoyed.

Speaking of, High school Rob is attending the St. Rita's Youth Group Retreat Retreat, which is a planning session for the big 90-kid event weekend to be thrown at the end of the school year.  On Saturday evening, Catholic mass is said.  At the end of the first of two halves that make up the ceremony, the Liturgy of the Word, is the General Intercessions - a series of foci for which the congregation may direct their prayers - common subjects include world leaders, that their decisions may bring peace and harmony to the world; this retreat team, that they might receive guidance to achieve their task; St. Rita, St. Mark, and all the saints; ailing and recently departed relatives or members of the community, that they may be healed or find eternal peace (respectively); and in as small a service as the one being held, individual people or causes on the minds of the group.  High school Rob contributes "stuntmen, daredevils, and people attempting to break or lay claim to especially dangerous world records who jeopardize their lives on a regular basis."  The priest struggles not to giggle and apologizes later in the evening, just in case Rob was serious and maybe knew such a person.  He did not, but played the whole thing very straight, as one must.