The choice is CLEAR

My goodness the internet is lazy.  Just because a meme ends like 5 years ago, all of a sudden we don't see every permutation of it or something? Well Fiestacat is still getting my vote LONG BEFORE hypnotoad EVER does!

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="252" caption="FiestaObama"][/caption]

MST3K: 21 Years into the Not-Too-Distant Future

The delightful Mystery Science Theater 3000 is twenty-one Earth years of age.  And, as a citizen of the United State of Minnesota, it's now old enough to drink. In order to celebrate, the good, kind, friendly people of DAPCentral's IRC channel have prepared a list of MST-themed drinks to be served at your MST-themed drinking parties.  Thanks and credit go to the likes of Minstrel, SoRefined, Candover, Moogle, Rhesus, Rumm,  and Fnord.

• Go ahead and start with a Killer Shrew.
• Ring of Terror - vodka, lime and angostura bitters in tonic water and over ice.
• Catalina Caper  - KeKe Beach, rum, and mango juice.
• Space Mutiny - Blue curacao with a raspberry vodka float.
• Screaming Skull - Scotch, dry vermouth, triple sec with a twist of lemon.
• The High School Bigshot - induces suicidal tendencies, so the recipe is not reproduced here, for your own safety.

When indulging in a night of MST-Shots, it is customary to set out a 'Torgo,' which is a shotglass of coffee.  The Torgo is not consumed however, it is merely set out in anticipation of the Master.

• What goes in a Gamera? - Turtle Meat!  Turtle Meat and 151.  On fire.  Served neat, of course.
• A Laserblast?  - That's gin and grapefruit juice.
• The Eegah - a simple, single shot of Jeppson's Malort.
• The Monster-a-Go-Go is a drink that results in you being found several miles away, naked, and of normal size.
• A Devil Doll - is a kind of ham daquiri.  Or porquiri, if you will.

I don't drink very often myself, but I do like a good Prince of Space.  In fact, I like it VERY MUCH.

• Invasion of the Neptune Men - Tarantula tequilla and raw fish, served in a short glass.
• The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies - was based on a drink, actually.
• Master Ninja - comes in two variations.  One is a california sake with a beer back.
• The Leech Woman - Irish whiskey and Red Bull.
• The Squirm - is typically served with a curly straw, but don't eat the garnish.
• Track of the Moon Beast - is a very old drink, and is made from chicken...corn...green peppers...onions...and tequila!

The Riding With Death, with a high volume of Wild Turkey, is an extremely mellow and delicious beverage, but it tends to reappear later in the night, much to your regret.

Unfortunately, although every bartender we consulted had heard of it, not one could track down a recipe for the Robert Denby.

• Adam Chance - Absinthe with an aluminum foil twist.
• Bart Fargo - A drink developed for peaceful purposes, the Bart Fargo is surprisingly jazzy and smooth, and ordered by the dozen.
• The Starfighter - Starts off as a simple scotch & soda, but the bartender keeps adding more soda while you're working on it.
• The Alien from LA - Malibu with a vegemite garnish.
• The Mitchell - Just a shot and a beer.  The shot is melted butter.

It goes without saying, the Agent Double 007 is stirred, not shaken.

• Red Zone Cuba - The opposite of a Cuba Libre, so...sprite and vodka.
• Cavedweller - Boilermaker served in a leather mug.
• The Thing That Just Couldn't Die -  is a spanish wine aged in a hat box with a stick and black powder infusion.
• The Human Duplicator - A double shot.  The first is tequila in a holey condom.  The second, tequila again, with a condom floating in it.  (See?  It's reversed.)
• Puma Man - Brown ale with agave nectar and benadryl, onion slice garnish.
• Future War - a bloody mary served in a melted candle with a plastic dinosaur garnish.

Manos is not actually a drink, it's the name given to the round of applause given to the person who can stay awake for 90 minutes after drinking The Master without touching the Torgo.

• Brute Man - Grape juice and everclear, served with a chicken wing.  Of TOMORROW!
• Posture Pals vary in content by region, but they're always served straight up.
• Touch of Satan - Raspberry chocolate martini with a rock and a goldfish.
• A Last Clear Chance - A Boilermaker with Gentle Pressure.
• Horror of Party Beach - A Long Island Iced Tea with hotdog in it.  Salt on the rim, naturally.

A Bride of the Monster is just about any drink as long as you're lonely and slow when you drink it.

• Attack of the Eye Creatures - A delightful themed drink sampler in which every drink has just a kiss of nougat!
• A Sampo - is the perfect choice for a classy lady looking for something to wear on a night out of MST-boozin'.
• Incredible Melting Man - A glass of Bailey's served in a dribble glass.
• The Giant Leech - Sucks.  Not worth making.  (High-fives all around!)
• A Tormented - Champagne and seaweed.
• The Rosdower - A tidal wave of kahlua!
• The Mr. B Natural - Just seltzer. With an LSD Chaser.

And the Beatnik is always the final drink of the night - it killed that fat barkeep!

Omegle #3

Wow.  Just... wow.  This one took an hour or two.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: I don't think I can ever love you.
 Stranger: why not
 You: too strange.
 Stranger: what do u want to do then
 You: I'm not opposed to a civil union, for the tax and insurance benefits as much as anything.
 Stranger: north korea
 You: and maybe, in time, love will come, but it's got a long road ahead.
 Stranger: china?
 You: Also: separate beds. You snore a lot, and you were never a satisfying lover.
 You: I'm sorry to unload these, well, blunt truths all at once, but the therapist says it's the only way.
 Stranger: are u crazy
 You: If not for the kids, I think I would have left you in the 1980s.
 Stranger: danm your old
 You: After that thing with you and the stewardess.
 Stranger: she was hot
 Stranger: do u love samuel l jackson?
 You: damn you terry! damn you! why couldn't you ever say -I- was hot?
 You: always with that stewardess!
 Stranger: im sorry but i knew u had a thing for samuel
 You: And don't think that I don't know you put our son up to suggesting we name the dog lacey. He just -happened- to come up with her name when we were naming the beagle?
 You: are you kidding me, terry?
 Stranger: i love beagles
 Stranger: i use to have one
 Stranger: it ran away
 You: It was a good dog, but I hated it so much because of you.
 Stranger: why
 Stranger: beagles are so good
 You: As if you didn't know!
 Stranger: i loved our beagle
 You: It never ran away, Terry. It's buried under that stupid "time capsule" you put in the back yard.
 You: If only you loved me the way you loved that damned beagle!
 Stranger: but jen
 Stranger: i love u
 You: don't you 'but jen' me!
 Stranger: jen please
You: it's always the same with you!
Stranger: stop doing this to me
You: oh, that's rich, I'm the one doing this to you now?
You: I suppose I'm the one making you run around with that tramp on the third weekend of every month then? 
 Stranger: but i always gave u what you wanted 
 You: I didn't want all that bullshit, I wanted a husband! 

 Stranger: how did you know
 Stranger: i am your husband
 Stranger: i gave you everything!
 Stranger: cars, jewelry, i put food on your table!
 You: I wanted someone who would spend time with the kids in the evening, I wanted someone who would clean beagle leavings out of the yard, I wanted someone who cared!
 Stranger: and I pleased you in bed like how you wanted it
 Stranger: Baby, I WORK, i cant spend time with the kids every evening
 Stranger: do you want me to quit my job?
 Stranger: What did you do? nothing
 Stranger: all you did was stay home all day and do who knows what
 Stranger: for all i know you could have had someone over
 You: I can count every time you tried to 'please' me, because we have another mouth to feed for each and every one!
 You: our so-called sex life is old enough to vote!
 You: And terry: I -never- cheated on you.
 Stranger: so you were acting? i thought u enjoyed are sex life
 You: And you know what's worse? I wish I had!
 You: "Don't sink down to his level" they told me.
 You: "Make him rise to yours" they said. What a load of trash!
 Stranger: Your friends are stupid
You: oh, and the poker club is some kind of brain trust?!
 Stranger: i have a secret
 Stranger: your friend jessica....
 Stranger: she jumped on me...
You: pshh, who hasn't she jumped on? All the more reason the separate beds are a good idea.
 You: I knew she'd done it when I saw you scratching more than usual.
 Stranger: you probably have it too...
 You: the hell I do!
 Stranger: you do, i saw you shave it off
 You: more proof you don't know what the hell is going on down there.
 You: I don't even do your laundry in our washer anymore. I don't need the kids getting a nasty surprise like that.
You: And speaking of surprises, that bottle of scotch was for my dad's birthday next month.
 Stranger: well your dad is a jackass and he doesnt deserve scotch
 Stranger: he deserves shitty beer
 You: if you're going to take it, at least have the balls to own up to it, It's pretty obvious when the wax seal is broken.
 Stranger: Yes I drank it
 You: and it's just your damn money that's going to go to a fresh bottle anyway.
 Stranger: so what big deal
You: the "big deal" is that you're going around with your '8 months sober' pin and it's a damned lie
 You: ...as anyone who has been in a room with you and that breath can tell in an instant.
 You: it makes a mockery of the program, is what it does.
 You: I wouldn't be surprised to see you're back into the nosecandy again too.
Stranger: im cutting off your funds
You: Is THAT why you don't want me to see the bank accounts anymore?
 Stranger: I GOT FIRED
 Stranger: okay
 Stranger: there secrets out
 Stranger: i didnt know how to tell you
 Stranger: bank funds? there are no bank funds
 You: I could tell two months ago when they bulldozed your old office, you bastard!
 You: you coward!
 Stranger: and you still buy the kids barbies and toys left and right
 Stranger: and you come home with shopping bags
 You: if YOU can pretend, and YOU can still drive 28 miles each day as though you're roundtripping to the office, then SO CAN I!
 Stranger: WHERE do you get this money?
 Stranger: i NEED to know one thing... its samuel isnt it
 You: bah, who needs money? Barbie wants to be free.
 You: And I told you - I DIDN'T CHEAT!
 You: I could've. Oh MAN, I could've, but I didn't!
 Stranger: U NEVER told me where that disgusting THING came from on your upper lip
 You: Terry, that's a birthmark.
 Stranger: That is no birthmark
 Stranger: DONT BS with me
 You: show a little class for once, yeah? I've had it since you've known me.
 Stranger: A birthmark does not suddenly appear overnight
 You: Get out the yearbook, it's always been there.
 Stranger: What about you shaving?
 You: What ABOUT my shaving?
 Stranger: We havent had sex in months
You: damn straight we haven't. And you're not getting anywhere near me since that Jessica nonsense.
You: It's not like Rhonda, Rhoda, Seamus, and Eamonn need another little sibling anyhow.
Stranger: why would you shave
You: It makes me feel beautiful, okay? It makes me feel young, and desirable, and like a woman
 You: like all the things you DON'T make me feel!
 Stranger: I GAVE you everything you wanted?
 Stranger: I DID didnt I
 You: NO!!!!
 Stranger: I am taking the kids to my moms
 You: What you gave me was gin. And a ride home after the football game. And Rhoda.
 Stranger: I cant have the kids live with such a crazy monster like you
 Stranger: Rhoda was your fault you danm hoe
 You: That whore? MY children aren't going anywhere near her place, and you sure as HELL aren't taking them out of state! I'll call the cops!
 Stranger: YOU ruined my COLLEGE education
 Stranger: I HAD TO DROP OUT becuase of you
 You: You ruined my high school education!
 Stranger: WHY did you have to throw yourself onto me
 You: You should've gone to jail, not to the altar!
 You: I'm sure I DIDN'T but if I had to guess, the same gin that kept me from remembering that night probably kept me from being able to stand up straight
 Stranger: jen you were a silly hoe in high school
 You: you're out of your mind
 Stranger: you even got with mr. jackson, out PE teacher
 Stranger: our*
 You: Hah! You thought that rumor was about me? That was totally Jen Pora.
 You: You wasted your whole life chasing after the wrong skirt!
 Stranger: NO that WAS YOU
 Stranger: Ms. Hoe, class of 75
 Stranger: that was your nickname remember?
 You: in your dreams, you horrible he-slut!
 You: and anyway, it's spelled Hoer.
 Stranger: Go walk the streets where you belong
 You: not like taking YOUR name was so much better.
 Stranger: I was an allstar football player in HS and could have gone all the way if it werent for you
 You: I'd say you've been all the way plenty of times, with and without me.
 Stranger: Can we please work this out?
 You: You know what Kim told me at mahjong this week? "If a woman sleeps around, she's called a slut, but what do you call a man that sleeps with anything that moves? Terry!"
 You: Believe me, I'd -like- to work it out, I just don't know how to stop fighting with you.
 Stranger: Kim is a slut
 Stranger: all your friends are sluts
 Stranger: i guess they learned from you
 You: See?
 You: THIS is why we can't work it out!
 You: Why would you say something like that?
 Stranger: Because you always start these fights
 Stranger: Why cant you just stop
 You: Is it the booze again? Are you on the booze?
 You: You know there are 12 steps in AA right? Don't you ever wonder about the back 11?
 Stranger: I AM NOT AN ALCHOLIC
 Stranger: YOUR FATHER IS
 Stranger: AND SAME WITH YOUR MOTHER
 You: My FATHER is a WAR HERO, and he deserves all the comfort this nation can afford him!
 Stranger: dont give me that go to AA bs
 Stranger: if anything you should do AA
 You: good god, maybe those back 11 steps can wait, since you clearly are nowhere near mastering step 1
 You: I'll try to let the horrible things you've said pass, Terry, because I know you don't mean them, and I know you don't even know what you're saying right now.
 Stranger: i knower sorryy baby ive been a horibble husband
 Stranger: immdurnk
You: but I'll tell you, when rhonda and rhoda and seamus and eamonn and I go to mass on sunday, I've got half a mind to not even pray for you.
 Stranger: your rightt
 Stranger: Dont tell the kids whats going on with us
 You: the kids aren't stupid. or deaf.
 Stranger: seamus is retarted
 You: and eamonn's almost 13 now. Smurf dolls are no longer an acceptable bribe in exchange for his emotions
 Stranger: do you know why? becuase you drank heavily with him in you
 You: Seamus is dyslexic, he's not retarded.
 Stranger: WAHT EVER
 Stranger: SAME THING
 Stranger: HES STUPID BECAUSE OF YOU
 You: my real regret was the time I drank heavily with YOU in me.
 Stranger: DONT BLAME THE DRANK
 Stranger: blame the hoe inside of you
 You: Terry, I think you need to calm down
 Stranger: I CANT
 Stranger: IM PISSED
 Stranger: YOU always give me shit
 Stranger: I DONT KNOW how long i can take it
 You: Well than have some sanka and sober the hell up
 You: I'm done with being the neighbors' entertainment for one night
 Stranger: i need to go
 Stranger: go out of the country
 Stranger: away from you
 You: we're lucky if they haven't called the cops already, the way you're yelling
 Stranger: i cant stand you
 You: Well then call a cab
 Stranger: im driving
 You: I can't have you wrecking the Nova
 You: I need to be able to drive the kids to school
 Stranger: the nova is already a wreck
 Stranger: tell them to walk
 You: Well at least it still has all its windows, unlike the taurus.
 Stranger: i have to go
 Stranger: for real lol
 You: you keep your lols to yourself, buddy
 Stranger: lol this was interesting
 You: fine then
 You: go
 You: and don't step in beagle leavings on your way out
 Stranger: ill be back im going out for a smoke
 You: oh great. Great. Now you're smoking again.
 You: I thought we agreed you were stopping.
 You: It's bad for the kids, it's bad for me, it's even bad for you.
 You: even if I don't know why I should care about THAT
 Stranger: I SMOKE TO relieve the stress you cause me
 You: I cause you stress because you SMOKE
 You: my kids don't need that poison in their lungs
 Stranger: i dont smoke in front of the kids
 Stranger: i would never harm the kids
 You: and I don't need that stink all over my porch, and the clothes you bring in my house
 Stranger: where r u from
 Stranger: it was a fun talk
 Stranger: have a nice day jen i love u

Omegle #2

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: should the cock be capitalized?
 You: you must be SO lonely
 You: poor dear.
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hi
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Stranger: I am
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Stranger: I don't believe you
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Stranger: fuck you
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hey
 You: I don't have time to chat, I lost my keys.
 Stranger: well that blows
 You: yeah, I know. I don't really have time to talk to strangers.
 Stranger: o ok then. maybe we can be friends then?
 You: I'm sorry. I really do need a friend right now, but I don't have time to type. I'm looking for those darn keys!
 Connection asploded.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hey
 You: oh crp I jut pilled my drink on the keybord
 Stranger: hahahhaha
 Stranger: sad
 You: the to ro on the left ren't orking
 Stranger: sucks
 You: thi i terrible
 Stranger: i'm sorry
 Stranger: well asl?
 You: I till hve hlf pper to rite, too
 Stranger: i'm sorry
 You: I hve to think of ord ith different letter no
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hello!
 You: Welcome to the text adventure!
 You: Do you want to get on the highway or take surface roads?
 You: surface roads are like local sidestreets, but the highway might go to the danger zone!
 Stranger: highway!
 You: You're now on the highway.
 You: Oh man, it's backed up for miles!
 You: Do you want to turn on the radio or leave it off?
 Stranger: Hmm. What kind of car do I have?
 Stranger: I want the radio on
You: You're driving a chevy nova!
 You: The radio is on.
 Stranger: FFFFUUU
 You: Do you want the hard rock music, or the classical birdsongs?
 You: Your car advances seven feet.
 Stranger: Classical birdsongs. The traffic will stress me out, so the music will have a calming effect
 You: You're listening to classical birdsongs
 You: Your car advances seven feet.
 You: Suddenly, the music is interrupted!
 Stranger: Oh no!
 You: An announcer breaks in with a special report!
 You: He needs more money to continue the classical birdsongs!
 Stranger: Damn.
 You: Do you want to pledge at the dollar a day level or the 13 dollars a week bonus gold member level?
 Stranger: Gold member, of course
 You: Your car advances seven feet.
 You: A jogger passes the car.
 You: You call the classical birdsong station.
 Stranger: Good
 You: Suddenly, the battery on your phone explodes!
You: ***you have died***
 Stranger: Ah, how unfortunate
 You: ***you scored 14 out of a possible 1300 points***
 Stranger: twas a good run, though
 Stranger: only 14 points, darn
 Stranger: thanks for letting me play!
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: oi
 You: Shhh.
 You: don't say anything
 You: let's just enjoy the moment.
 Stranger: sure
 Stranger: finish?
 You: ssh!
 Stranger: sory
 You: just take deep breaths, and think of england.
 Stranger: yes
 Stranger: .....
 Stranger: what I do now?
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Omegle #1

So there's this Omegle thing, which is about the same as the hyperintelligent notArt chat robot from like seven years ago.  Unlike the robot, which secretly connected you with another person also trying to talk to the supposed robot, this service admits that it is connecting you with an arbitrary stranger.   The important thing to note here is that this service is based on the INTERNET, so certain established theories immediately come into effect.   That being said....

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 'I've just bought a car' and 10 is 'Which one of these drinks is mine?' how lonely would you say you feel right now?
 Stranger: hello
 You: Please, just a number.
 Stranger: 1
 You: Ah excellent.
 You: You may begin conversation now.
 Stranger: yeah
 You: Converse at any moment.
 Stranger: where are u ?
 You: The system is ready for you, you may begin.
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 'I've just bought a car' and 10 is 'Which one of these drinks is mine?' how lonely would you say you feel right now?
 Stranger: hellow
 You: Please, just a number.
 Stranger: english? spanish? portuguese?
 You: You may use numerals.
 Stranger: sorry
 Stranger: but i am brasilian
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 'I've just bought a car' and 10 is 'Which one of these drinks is mine?' how lonely would you say you feel right now?
 Stranger: o
 You: I should inform you, time is a factor in calibrating the system.
 Stranger: 7
 You: That is staggeringly lonely indeed.
 You: The system is ready.
 You: You may begin a conversation.
 Stranger: I will just blade at 45 degrees be fore disenGAGING
 You: Feel free to begin a conversation at your discretion.
 Stranger: YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY WEAPON!!!!
 You: You may start conversing at your leisure.
 Stranger: OMG IT SPINS! 
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS
 You: well what are you waiting for?
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: ...
 Stranger: yes
 You: ...
 Stranger: i can make tornados
 You: ...
 Stranger: yea 
You: ...
 Stranger: its true
 You: ...
 Stranger: oh yes
 You: ...
 Stranger: i do not lie
 You: ...
 Stranger: ooooh
 You: ...
 Stranger: gi joe
 You: ...
 Stranger: last one theres a penispump
 You: ...
 Stranger: h
 Stranger: ha
 You: ...
 Stranger: i got you
 You: ...
 Stranger: you should of done two i said two things
 You: ...
 Stranger: you fucked up
 You: ...
 Stranger: hahahaha
 You: ...
 Stranger: df
 Stranger: s
 You: ...
 Stranger:
 You: ...
 Stranger: see i did 3
 You: ...
 Stranger: assfuck
 You: ...
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.  
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: Ugh, you again.
 You have disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: ...
 Stranger: hi
 You: ...
 Stranger: are we still on for tonight
 You: . . .
 Stranger: fuck you
 You: . . .
 Stranger: fhfhften
 Stranger: ntnnth
 You: . . .
 Stranger: hjtnt
 Stranger: tnj
 Stranger: njt
 Stranger: jn
 Stranger: jnhtnj
 Stranger: yht
 Stranger: jnth
 You: . . .
 Stranger: jn
 Stranger: te
 Stranger: jnt
 Stranger: jn
 Stranger: t
 Stranger: thj
 Stranger: jnh
 Stranger: htmn
 You: ia!
 You: ia!
 Stranger: just log off now
 You: fhtagn!
 Stranger: ntyn
 Stranger: i see you right now
 You: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
 Stranger: degyveyeyfeghrugherruhekhefhkujfhjhukjghjfhsjkkgdhgjrethrwkthwjffhrhwkuvthvuhkuvht2rugvh2
 You: moo
 Stranger: grr
 You: mulhaha!
 Stranger: up yours
 You: zwaHOOOM
 Stranger: homo
 You: ...
 Stranger: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy