Please Stop Stealing Everything

To: All Employees
Re: Theft of Company Property

The use of company property for non-corporate (re: personal) functions is officially prohibited by the employee handbook. Examples of company property include coffee filters, paper clips, and money.

If you can believe it, The Higgs Weldon printed another thing that I wrote. Anyone who is principled and virtuous can read it and laugh at those who are lesser. Everyone else can read it and feel it speak to their lousy, thieving souls. It's called Please Stop Stealing Everything.