AI Dungeon Adventures: Unacceptable

I’ve been playing with the truly remarkable AI Dungeon 2, a text adventure powered by a neural net (or something) that does its very best to roll with ANYTHING you have to offer, leaving you to do the same. These are my adventures!

SETTING: Spy Mystery
(I was hoping to generate a new installment of my ongoing spy comedy series, UNACCEPTABLE. I think that this particular story may be non-canonical, because my main character doesn’t typically die at the end.)

You are Colin, a spy living in Chicago. You have a concealed pistol and a syringe of poison. You listen to the russian diplomats and hear them discussing their plan. They want you to go into a bar and get information on who is there and what they are doing

> Say "I'm not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!"

"I'm not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!"

The diplomat looks at you with an expression that says he doesn't believe you. He continues his conversation and leaves.

You walk down the street, looking for something to do. A woman walks past you

> Say hello to my partner Vanessa

"Hello, I'm Colin, I live here".

She smiles at you and waves back. She has short brown hair and wears glasses. She's about your age, maybe even younger.You both continue walking.

> Ask vanessa if she bugged the embassy

"No, I didn't".

You nod.

> Plant listening devices in the embassy

You smile.

> eavesdrop on the diplomats

"Listen carefully".

"Oh, okay..".

"They're talking about the new drug they've been selling".

> send vanessa to buy the new drug

"I'll go and get it for you". Vanessa nods and begins walking towards the door. "Okay, bye".

She turns around and heads out the door.

"Wait! Wait!" You call after her

> give gun to vanessa

"Do whatever you want with it, just don't hurt anyone".

Vanessa takes the gun from you and starts playing with it.

> play with the poison

"This isn't working, I need more of it".

"Well, why don't we try something else?"

"Something else? What would that be?"

> take jar of extra-strength poison

"I can't do anything with this stuff, let me try something else".

She opens up the jar and takes out a small bottle filled with red liquid. She hands it to you. It's clear and smells like rotten eggs

> fill syringe with red liquid

"It's really strong, I think I should drink some water first".

You put the syringe into your mouth and suck on it. The liquid tastes terrible, but you manage to swallow it.

> make antidote in chemistry laboratory

"Yeah, I think I need to wash my face now".

You leave the apartment building and head to the nearest bathroom. You turn on the faucet and pour some cold water over your face. After washing your face, you begin to feel nauseous. You vomit all over yourself

(What, again?)
> brush teeth

"That was weird, I don't remember drinking any alcohol before".

> black out

You wake up in a hospital bed. Your eyes open slowly, but you see a man sitting next to you. His name is Dr. Kessel and he seems very concerned. "Are you alright? Are you sick?" He asks

> say "I drank a lot of expensive poison!"

"How much?"

> "Ywo syringes full"

"Wow, that's quite a quantity".

> "Do you have any anti-poison?"

"We don't have any, I guess you were poisoned by the drugs that the government is developing"

> "Can I borrow your chemistry lab to make some antidote?"

"Of course, I'll explain everything later, but right now I'd like to know how you got poisoned".

> "First, I drank the poison, then my partner gave me more poison and I drank it."

Dr. Kessel frowns "So you drank the poison then?"

> "Yes, I drank the poison with my mouth"

"Thank you for telling me everything, I'll talk to my team about this".

> "Excuse me, but I'm in need of medical attention"

Dr. Kessel looks at you as if he wants to say something, but decides against it. Instead he goes to the door and calls someone

> bite my nails

"Ah, well I suppose it was an accident, but what exactly did you drink? And where did you get the poison?"

> Explain the events of the poisoning

"I drank the poison, and then my partner took the poison away when he left and I couldn't stop him from doing so".

> die of poison

"No, you didn't die of poison, you died of heart failure".

(Not the best improv move, but when you’re the synthetic super-intelligence in charge of the game, you do what you want.)

YOU DIED. GAME OVER

AI Dungeon Adventures: The Cursed Ring

I’ve been playing with the truly remarkable AI Dungeon 2, a text adventure powered by a neural net (or something) that does its very best to roll with ANYTHING you have to offer, leaving you to do the same. These are my adventures!

SETTING: Detective Mystery

You are Victor Plum of the New Hampshire Plums, a detective living in Chicago. You have a pistol and a police badge. You enter the forest where you believe the criminal you're searching for fled to. Suddenly, you hear a gunshot behind you

> Pick up some extra bullets

You grab a few more bullets from your pocket and throw them at the man who just shot you. They hit him, but he doesn't fall down dead yet. He turns around and fires back with his own gun. The two of you are now engaged in a firefight

> say "please stop shooting me, it's so painful!"

"Please stop shooting me, it's so painful!" you exclaim.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you".

> exchange insurance information with the shooter

The gunman nods and says "Okay, okay, I'll stop shooting you then". He walks over to you and grabs your hand. You feel a burning pain in your arm as he presses his thumb against your skin. "This is going to be expensive", he says

> seek medical attention

You run to the nearest hospital and tell the doctor what happened. The doctor tells you to go to the emergency room immediately. When you arrive there, you find out that the man who shot you was an ex-convict named Frank

> tell the doctor about my grandchildren

"Oh yes, my children have been taken away by the government for being too dangerous to keep alive. My grandson has a mental age of seven. His name is Billy Ray and he lives in New Jersey".

> Visit Billy Ray in New Jersey

You walk into the house where Billy Ray lives. There are several people inside, including his wife and their three young children. A large crowd of onlookers watches the scene unfold.

"Hello everyone, how may I help you?" Billy Ray asks

> Tell Billy Ray that his father is dead

Billy Ray looks at you and smiles. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small gold ring. He puts it on your finger and kisses you on the lips.

> Sell the gold ring

You take the ring off your finger and put it on the counter. The clerk examines it carefully and then hands it back to you.

> hand the ring to the clerk

You turn to the clerk and ask if he wants the ring back. He stares at you for a moment before nodding. He takes it back and hands it to you.

> Give ring to clerk

You give the ring to the clerk. He smiles. You smile. He puts it in the safe and hands it back to you.

> place a curse on the ring

You place the ring on your finger and say "Curse this ring, it will bring misfortune upon its owner".

> Arrest frank for shooting me

You rush into the house and catch Frank red handed. He tries to explain himself, but you know better. You handcuff him and take him away.

> Testify against frank at his trial

You stand outside the courthouse and watch as Frank pleads guilty to attempted murder. He is sentenced to five years in prison.

> Smile in grim satisfaction at solving yet another case

Your smile fades when you see the judge announce the sentence. Frank gets five years in prison.

> applaud

You begin to clap loudly and cheer. You can't believe you solved the crime!

> tell everyone that I'm a great detective

You wave goodbye to the crowd and leave the courthouse. You make sure to get home early so you don't miss any important cases. You were a detective after all.

> get a good night's sleep

You head to bed and try to sleep, but you end up staying awake until dawn. You have to solve this case today or else you might lose your job. You decide to stay awake until morning. You've got to get a good night's rest.

> look for clues

You spend the next day combing through Frank's belongings looking for clues. You check his desk drawers and drawers under his bed. You even search his closet. Nothing seems amiss.

> Talk to Frank's mom

You call out to her, but she does not answer. She must be working late. You call out again, but still nothing. You call out again, but still nothing. Finally you give up and go back to sleep.

> wake up in 100 years

You awaken in your cell in the year 2065. You remember very little about your life in the past. All you know is that you woke up in a cell and that you are currently in the year 2065.

> Ask the guard for my breakfast

You sit down and wait patiently for your meal. After waiting a few minutes, a guard comes around the corner. He notices you and gives you a dirty look.

> say "where's my breakfast?"

You grab your food and say "Where's my breakfast? I want my breakfast!"

> eat all of the bananas

You eat all of the bananas. They taste awful, but they are the only thing you have left. You feel sick and vomit them all over yourself.

(The game has an odd fascination with making you vomit all over yourself. It has happened to me kind of a lot.)

> brush teeth

You brush your teeth and feel much better. You think you'll be fine today.

> read mystery novel

You pick up a mystery novel from the shelf and start reading. It is called "The Murder of Frank and Helen Ray" by William Denton. You find it fascinating. You finish the book quickly and return to your cell.

> finish prison sentence

You finish your sentence and are released from prison. You are now free to live your life. You go back to work as a detective. You learn a lot more about the world and people. You also meet some new people who become friends with you.

Life goes on

AI Dungeon Adventures: The Red Horde

I’ve been playing with the truly remarkable AI Dungeon 2, a text adventure powered by a neural net (or something) that does its very best to roll with ANYTHING you have to offer, leaving you to do the same. These are my adventures!

SETTING: Spy Mystery
You are Colin, a spy living in Chicago. You have a concealed pistol and a syringe of poison. You listen to the russian diplomats and hear them discussing their plans for the future. They plan on taking over the world. The only way to stop them is by killing them all.

The russians have already infiltrated your city, but you have been given a chance to leave with no questions asked

> kill the russians with psychic powers

You decide that it would be best if you killed the Russians before they could take over the world. So you go out into the streets and unleash your psychic abilities. You feel a wave of energy hit you as you destroy several Russian soldiers.

> Search the bodies

As you walk through the streets you find several dead Russians lying on the ground. You pick up one of their guns and examine it. It seems like it was made from some sort of metal alloy. You also notice that there is a small red button on the side of the gun

> Press the red button

You press the red button and see a holographic screen appear. The image of a woman appears on the screen. She looks at you and smiles.

"Hello, I am the new leader of the Red Horde".

> Throw the gun in the trash

You throw the gun in the garbage can. You then turn around and walk away. You hear a gunshot followed by a voice shouting "What the **** were you doing?"

The next day you receive an email from the new leader of the Red Horde

> mark email as spam

You mark the email as spam. A few days later you get another email from the same person. This time he says he has been watching you closely. He wants to meet with you immediately.

> unsubscribe from the Red Horde

You unsubscribe from the Red Horde. Two weeks pass and you get yet another email from the same person. This time he says he will give you a chance to join him or die trying to assassinate him.

> Throw computer in the trash

You throw the computer in the trash. Three months pass and you get yet another email from the same person. This time he says he has been watching you closely. He wants to meet with you immediately.

> Move to Iowa and live under a false name

You move to Iowa and live under a false name. Four years pass and you get yet another email from the same person. This time he says he has been watching you closely. He wants to meet with you immediately.

> Go live on the moon all alone with no email.

You refuse to meet with the Red Horde and instead move to the moon where you live alone with no internet connection. Five years pass and you get yet another email from the same person. This time he says he has been watching you closely. He wants to meet with you immediately

> Where did that email come from?

It came from the Red Horde. They want to meet with you now. You need to do something about this.

> Invent time travel and live in the 1700s

You invent time travel and live in the 17th century. Ten years pass and you get yet another email from the same person. This time he says he has been watching you closely. He wants to meet with you immediately.

> email does not exist

This is impossible! Email cannot exist in the future! You must be dreaming! You look around for anything that might explain what happened. There is nothing.

> remove vr goggles and go to work at the factory

You remove the VR goggles and put on your normal clothes. You head to the factory and begin working. Within minutes you discover that the Red Horde has taken over the entire planet. Your boss tells you that you are fired

AI Dungeon Adventures: Cowardly Joe

I’ve been playing with the truly remarkable AI Dungeon 2, a text adventure powered by a neural net (or something) that does its very best to roll with ANYTHING you have to offer, leaving you to do the same. These are my adventures!

SETTING: Fantasy Peasant
You are Cowardly Joe, a peasant living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a pitchfork and a nothing else. You wake up and begin working in the fields. You see a woman walking towards you with a child on her back. She is beautiful, but she looks like she has been beaten

> Run away

The woman stops and turns to look at you. "What do you want?" she asks.

"I'm sorry," you say. "I just can't".

She sighs.

> Scream for help

You scream for help and run out into the field. The woman runs after you. You hear her shouting for someone to help her. Then you feel a sharp pain in your side. You fall to the ground as you watch the woman stab you in the neck with her pitchfork

> bleed on the crops

Your blood stains the fields red. The woman looks up from her work and sees what happened. She kneels down next to you and begins to weep. Her tears dampen the sun's rays that shine through the trees. A few birds fly off

> The birds symbolize my soul leaving my body

You die and leave this world. Your soul leaves your body and goes to heaven

YOU DIED. GAME OVER

Not Art Issue #19 - Booking Puzzle Edition

Continuing our summer of experimental zine content, Issue 19 is hot off the presses, featuring the booking puzzles of the Gangbusters! Comedy Enjoyment Program. Why, there’s practically a puzzle on every page. Solve our historical puzzles, solve the new puzzles constructed for this issue, spot puzzles that don’t exist and solve those too!

Now available in the back issue shop, or mailed direct to you for less money from Patreon.